Friday, November 7, 2008

FALL ~ A Hope and A Truth

The current of the waves was amplifying with every passing second, as I was helplessly pulled and pushed in the middle of the sea. Every now and then, my swimming skills would fail me and I would sink. Water rushed into my body through my ears, nose and mouth, almost filling up my lungs. Yet I struggled for this little life of mine. Just as I lost hope, a strong force held my arm and I stopped flowing. Such force was powerful enough that it was at par with the current of the raging tides. I tried to search for the source of the force and found it; it was a female lifeguard. She was grabbing my arm very tightly.

I tried to identify the face of my savior. As soon as I did, I was surprised. The lifeguard shared a striking resemblance with a person I had already known. The only difference was that she looked a bit older.

“Ayaa?”

Reality forced open my eyes. My heart was pumping hard, blood running fast. At the same time, I was as if bathing in sweat, breathing more frequently than I was supposed to be. Only then that I realised ------ I was staring at a different ceiling.

The ceiling was pearl white, a contrast with my room. I felt a slight pain at my right hand and there was a needle pierced on my wrist with the end of it being connected to one end of a long, clear tube. The other end of the tube was again connected to a liquid-filled plastic bag hanging on a rod just beside my bed. Aye, now I remembered. I was suspended into ward a few days ago. Possible case of dengue fever, or so they said.

Pushing the white blanket aside, I glanced at the window nearby. The morning sun had just risen from the horizon and shinning majestically. The leaves on many trees had lost their greenness, altogether turning into a complex mixture of scarlet, crimson, yellow and orange.

“Who now who has no house, will not build one.

Who now is alone, will remain so for long,

Will wake, and read, and write long letters,

And back and forth on the boulevards,

Will restlessly wander, while the leaves blow.

Herbstagg, Rainer Maria Rilke.”

I delighted in the melancholic melody of the poem that, for a moment, I forgot the person who was reciting it. The person was standing right beside the door. She was wearing spectacles, and behind them, small, watery eyes were visible. Her strawberry red lips had just stopped moving. Somehow, I was relieved that she came.

“It’s a shame to celebrate your birthday at a hospital.” said Ayaa, approaching my bed.

“It’s not, with you here.”

Her eyes narrowed again and the same feeling stirred in my stomach. The same, cold, menacing yet, mysterious feeling that I had since last spring.

“What are you sick of, by the way?”

“Oh, it’s a very serious sickness. A deadly one. Aye, fatal I mean.”

“Heart disease?”

“Nay. It’s way more serious than that.”

“Cancer? Kidney malfunctions?”

I shook my head rapidly. Ayaa’s expression now looked questioned, wondering what my answer would be. It was actually quite fun to make her look like this and so I chuckled a bit.

“I am, Ma’am Ayaa,” I said, now staring right at her eyes. “Love sick.”

At first, she was about to blush, but then she was trying very hard to hide that feeling. Moments later, her chilly expression returned.

“Never heard of it before. I have prepared two gifts for you. First, give me your hand.” demanded Ayaa.

I did as I was told. As I raised my hand and showed her my palm, she placed something that felt small, round but solid on it. I examined it. It was a mini-badge with Masked Rider Black figure carved on it.

“Now the next gift.” Ayaa announced as she checked her watch then rushed out from the room. I was left there, mouth fell agape. This was her gift?

My mind was left playing with confusion when I heard the door was opened again. Two figures entered, again familiar faces, although I had not seen them for a long time, not even after I was submitted to hospital.

“Hello, Kite.” they greeted.

Had I not rubbed my eyes thrice, I would not have believed it myself. Yes, my eyes did not mistake me. They were standing right in front of me. They were smiling warmly in front of me. They were spending time with me, no longer with their business.

“F-Fa-Father? M-Mo-Mother?”

Immediately, I went down from the bed and hugged both of them tightly. Ah, I could finally feel the warmth I had longed for. Such warmth felt so comfortable, it felt like I was ------alive. No longer able to bear it, tears had finally stream across my cheeks.

“Thanks, Pa. Thanks, Ma.”

“It’s okay, Kite. I should have done this ages ago.” Pa answered, his hand slowly rubbing behind me. “You should thank that young lady, you know. She was the one who told us about your sufferings. I’m really sorry for not paying attention on you all this while, Kite.”

Oh, Ayaa! This was her gift. I searched for any possible signs of her. And there, through a window on the door, I saw her face. It was a mixed expression. There was a part of it which looked envious, while another looked happy, relaxed, calm, somehow. The thought of her being an orphan suddenly came across me, then my deep empathy for her surfaced. She must have missed the warmth I was feeling right now.

After my parents decided to drop by Grandma’s house, I managed to catch up with Ayaa, who was now walking steadily at the garden. The chilly wind was quite strong, bringing along leaves from trees as it blew. When I approached her, I noticed that she quickly rub her eyes dry. Was she crying? Aye, upon facing her, I saw her eyes. They were red. It had always been my habit to keep lollipops in pockets, even when I was sick. I reached for one of them and handed it to her. However, she saw through this and before long, I felt an impact hit my left cheek. She punched me!

“Wh-What was……”

“For treating me your lollipop. And this……” said Ayaa just before I could finish asking. Surprisingly, she was now changing her stance, she was about to strike again! I did not know why but my legs were not obeying me, as if they had rooted to the ground. I closed my eyes.

The strange thing was I no longer felt any hard impact on either side of my cheek. My eyes opened up wide and they remained in such state for a few minutes. What I saw later, I would never forget it for the rest of my life. What I saw……

Ayaa’s lips approached my forehead, finally landed a soft contact on the surface. Then she looked into my eyes. Coldness was absent, they were redder than before and they could melt even the hardest diamond.

“And that, for stealing……” muttered Ayaa, hesitated, searching for the right words, her cheeks blushing. “……my heart.”

“Ehhhhhhhh……?”

For the next few minutes, there was a dead silence. We were gazing at each other. Imaginations were running wild in my mind and my heart was pumping at a much higher frequency, as if it were going to blow any moment from now.

“Hey, Ayaa, actually I……”

BANGGG…SPLASHHH…

A water-filled balloon made its impact on Ayaa’s head, water streaming down from every possible edge from her head. I was going to laugh when a piece of bitter memory shot through my head. With Ayaa’s current condition, she looked just like the person I had dreamt earlier. My head ached, events which took place years ago began to form in my mind. A shocking truth froze me.

“Kite, what were you going to tell me?”

“Ay… Ayaa, your sister, Ayaka, we… went missing… because… because… BECAUSE…”

I hated it very much to tell her but my guilt was too heavy to keep silent. My whole body shook.

“BECAUSE OF ME!”

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