The Dark Jee Cheng

Lately I met up with him, the Dark Jee Cheng. He was with me all the time, grew up with me, even. He gave me strength when people bullied me. He suffered with me when people isolated me. And he was never truly born until that day, that year 2001. It was when I did something terribly wrong and people started to treat badly. The Dark Jee Cheng and I hated girls, no less hated as well. That was when we bullied girls, a lot, hell lot. We somehow felt satisfied, let them feel our pain! But that was also when we met her, the girl named K. As we didn't know how to impress girls, with the fact that I was also born with the lack of chinese education talent, we did many many stupid things. This in fact made K hated us more. Yet K was in same class as ours for five whole years, we guessed we never really gave her good thoughts. Being isolated, being applied to the stay-away-at-very-first-sight rule, being back stab-ed, being taken as the "shame" of the batch, being disliked by K, the Dark Jee Cheng grew strong. He hence made me to want to succeed even more, which, although not too successful, I was still managed being average. He didn't want to give up and so did I.

When most people chose to start adventures at faraway lands, the Dark Jee Cheng and I stayed back, travelling the path less taken by many. And there, we found hope. New environment, new people, new love, yeah, she's M, and a new start! Bits by bits, we discovered things we didn't see before. We were too eager to prove ourselves that we were blind to more important things. Friends do care about us, just their ways are different. We were blind to that one. Like today, the battery of my car went dead, but still the three of our friends still waited with us until help arrived.

Hey, the Dark Jee Cheng, you are my vengeance, you are my hatred, you are strength to keep on going. But hey, it's enough now. I will believe in what others believe in me. Thanks for your company all these years, without you I wouldn't get this far. I will accept you as part of me, but you will never influence me anymore. Never.

Prolog

It was the middle of May, morning, supposedly to be hopeful, yet I felt very down. I was not sure of my selection about this route. Some old schoolmates who appeared made me feel relieved. At least, I wasn't the only local who walked this path. I proceeded to the registration desk as soon as I was done with the forms. The invitation speech was quite boring, I admitted to have dozed off a few times. But then, little did I know that the interesting part soon followed afterwards.

Jan and Feb(the shorts for January and February), my new friends, and I were walking back to the canteen after we were done with a chair game. It was then that I took the very first glimpse of her. Though it was far away, I could still see her clearly, walking side by side with her friend. She was of average height, long black hair that was tied into a ponytail and a semi-round face with what seemed to be chubby cheeks. Her eyes were small, like the ones you would expect from a Japanese. I wasn't really able to make out the rest of the details, because there was something else that mattered more.

"Who's that?" I asked Feb.

"Which one?" Feb replied, looking at the direction I was glimpsing.

"Errr...errrr..." I said, couldn't make out the answer that would cover my expression. "The one with small eyes."

Feb studied and stayed quiet for a while, then turned to me, smiling. "That's May. Why don't you go say hi? She's one friendly girl."

I was just about to respond back when another voice joined in.

"Heh, she's a nice girl. Smart, even. One of the top students in my old school." Jan said, clapping my right shoulder. "Interested, dude?"

Top student, eh. Well, thanks Jan. Because my confidence just sank to the deepest depth.

Anger and Temper

Anger and Temper,

Mine,

Very very bad.

Anger and Temper,

Because of them,

I entered discipline room,

Like it was my classroom.

Anger and Temper,

Thanks to them,

I caused many mayhem,

Cursed many "dam".

Anger and Temper,

Sadly,

I did actions foolishly,

That apologies never received, or never, so quickly.

Anger and Temper,

Rush overcomes rationality,

Beating maturity,

Hence making sometimes, false reality.

Mayhap I should put down all the grudges within,

Apologies, to give and to get.

And burdens weigh but thin air on my shoulders.

See the bright sides of people,

Encourage them more,

Praise them more,

Or, at least, smile more,

Then, with time, I will be happier.

Happier, I hope.

Getting The "Best Apple" Isn't Easy

First things first, I guess some of you, my friends especially, will know what "best apple" means after reading certain blog. Well then, if you don't, then I'm talking about your best partner, be it a boy or a girl. In my case, it's a girl no doubt.

If I recalled properly, I spent around eight months until I could confess properly. I took that long to make sure that we both could at least understand more about each other, to let her get used with my bad temper, to allow me to get used to her speechlessness when she's out of the mood.

The first few months, I spent time to stay online as many times as possible because she was studying faraway. We weren't so close yet, so we couldn't text much, so online conversations were much much better. There were times when I waited in vain as she didn't go online.

After that, I decided to call her. And the time spent on deciding whether or not to call was much longer than the one spent talking with her on phone. I remembered asking her if she forgot to bring her calculator again. The conversation was brief, but that was a good improvement, I guessed. And from then on, I called her whenever she went back to her study place, something made it into a practice, you know.

I know all I did was pretty normal, lame even, to some people, then again I still preferred simplicity.

And asking her out during the early period, before confessing, was pretty hard too. She came from a quite conservative family, so when I asked her out, I had to find another reason for that. Something like, taking her to a tuition class together.

After confessing, I sent her a simple gift and went on (and still going on) doing that until she eventually graduated. Those gifts were simple yet they had their very own meaning.

After that, we decided to tell our parents. It was ok for me but I was worried about her. Well, I was proven wrong and her parents gave their permissions to go out with me. I was glad everything went well. With an old, but still usable tactic, I kinda successfully held her hand on our first date. Well, what can I say, ya?

Now, whenever we go for dates, I will try to do something new. As an example, she likes cute things like teddy bears. So, I took all the bears from my house, they belong to my sister, and placed them at the rear seat. I told her we were bringing our babies along with our date. And then she smiled. See? A simple move can bring a lot of happiness too. Oh, and believe me, I did many wrong moves too before coming to the right ones.

All in all, you still need perseverance in order to get the "best apple", in other word, the best partner. Because it is always the best thing that requires the best price and it often offers you the best qualities. Now, I'm not saying I am a professional but I'm just writing it from my experience. Last but not least, hard indeed it is to get the "best apple", but once you do, you won't even want to look for other "apple"s.

The Difference, My Friend

When I first met her that May, my eyes kept following her, kept wanting to know what she was doing or, if I was lucky enough, perhaps I could talk to her. I was no stalker, mind you. I was just kind of wanted to know all about her. And, ironically, when she was like ten centimeters away from me, I felt my stomach burning, my legs urging me to go away, away to somewhere she couldn't see me. Yet, when I did, I regretted running away so much and would think of all other ways to approach her. Yes, that time, I realised I fell for her. I wanted to always be able to see her, yet lacked the stupid, foolish courage to speak. I could have her walking beside the whole day without talking, yet I would still feel happy. But inside, my heart was pumping like crazy, not mention the damned sweat, it just won't tolerate with me. Well, that's the past. Now, I managed to overcome those problems, and thank god, we are finally together.

Towards a friend, I wouldn't feel anything, or hesitate to introduce myself to him or her. I'll just go there and gladly say "hi". Even after saying that, I can still chat through so many things without having strange feelings. And I'll definitely feel weird if the friend is walking beside me with his or her mouth pursed tightly.

So, my friend, I guess that's just the difference. Hope this will help you.

Fantasies Which Are...Not Really Final

Nerves spread.

Anticipation grows.

And, worries never stop.

Not to mention the frequent annoying questions from those who never take it.

Duh, one day feels like a life time!

So, to get over this growing "phenomenon", I've started to play old PStwo games again like

Final Fantasy X, Final Fantasy X - 2 and Final Fantasy XII.

These games take at least 40 hours to finish but when you know all the routes, the strategies, much shorter is taken. I'm done with X - 2, although it's a continuation of X.

So. I'll try introducing these games in simple manner.

1. Final Fantasy XII

Final Fantasy XII is set within the land of Ivalice during an age when "magic was commonplace" and "airships plied the skies, crowding out the heavens". At this time, magicite, a magic-rich mineral, is commonly used in magic spells^[20] and in powering airships—a popular form of transportation in Ivalice.^[21] Ivalice is divided into three continents:^[22] Ordalia, Valendia, and Kerwon.^[2] Ordalia is located in the western part of Ivalice. The Rozarrian Empire makes its home in the vast inland plains of this continent as the eastern portion of it is largely desert or "jagd"—lawless lands so rich in Mist (the ethereal manifestation of magicite) that airships cannot fly over them.^[23] Valendia is the home of Imperial Archadia, where vast and lush plains dot the landscape.^[24] Central to the story is Dalmasca, a small kingdom between the two continents and Empires. Located in the middle of the Galtean Peninsula of Ordalia, Dalmasca is surrounded by an expanse of desert. The temperate climate of Dalmasca differs from the cold environs of Kerwon and the lush plains of Valendia and Ordalia.^[25] During this time, Ivalice is beset by the pending war between the forces of Rozarria and Archadia. Caught between the two powerful Empires, Dalmasca and a number of smaller nations have already been subjugated by Archadia two years before the game begins.

2. Final Fantasy X - 2

This is actually a continuation to Final Fantasy X, being the only sequel to any Final Fantasy series to date. This game follows the "Charlie's Angel" idea where players control only three, all female characters, namely Yuna, Rikku and Paine.

The story resolves around these three people starting out as sphere hunters, soon to discover that a world threat is slowly coming to surface. Spheres, by the way, are tools in which events are recorded into like DVDs.

3. Final Fantasy X

Aha! This one's my favorite! Final Fantasy X revolves around a star blitzball player Tidus as he is transported to a world one thousand years in the future. There he discovers that the world is facing a deadly threat by the monstrous, never-dying entity called Sin. He also meets up with Yuna, who soon he falls in love with. And his love is truly tested when he struggles to find a way not to sacrifice Yuna's life in order to defeat Sin.

Despite the wonderful plot, the graphics are really good too. The environment is all 3D-rendered and most of the conversations between important characters are actually voiced.

The battle system and character customization are excellent as well. During battles, players can actually switch party members to fight off monsters which cannot be defeated by the current party. The customization follows the Sphere Grid System, in which the characters have no levels, but gain Skill Levels from battles to improve their status points.

Despite that, the music is melodious. Try "To Zanarkand". You'll discover that many TV shows nowadays, especially those from Malaysia are actually using this beautiful piece.

p/s : just now, while walking at mall, I saw the special limited edition Final Fantasy XIII PS3 with the sweet copy of the game itself. LOL! I want it! I WANT IT! Then again, I wont have time anymore......

Final Fantasy XIII

Well, above is the cover art for the upcoming installation to the famous Final Fantasy series, Final Fantasy XIII(13).

It is already launched in Japan, while its English version is due this early March.

I must say I'm pretty much anticipating this very game, but it's for PlayStation 3 AND Xbox 360, which are very costly if I am to buy any of them.

So, let's start off with the whole plot of this game.

~PLOT~

The plot of Final Fantasy XIII, takes place in a world known as Pulse, revolves around the fal'Cie (ファルシ farushi^?) (pronounced /ˈfælsiː "fal see"/), mechanical beings with godlike power created from crystals residing inside them.^[10] People who are marked by the fal'Cie for greater purposes are called l'Cie (ルシ rushi^?).^[21] Each l'Cie has a Focus, a goal the fal'Cie wants him or her to fulfill within a certain amount of time; however, the fal'Cie do not explicitly say what the goal is: l'Cie learn what their Focus is by interpreting visions that are given to them. L'Cie gain the ability to summon Eidolons (monsters who fight with the l'Cie), but this ability comes with a price: if a l'Cie dies before completing his or her Focus, fails to tame his or her Eidolon, or fails to complete his or her Focus within a set period of time, he or she becomes a monster known as a Cie'th (シ骸 shigai^?, Cie Corpse in the japanese version).^[22] If a l'Cie does complete his or her Focus, the reward is not much better: permanent transformation into a crystal. For this reason, being chosen as a l'Cie is seen as a curse.

Some 1,300 years ago, a fal'Cie named Orphan constructed a paradise for humanity: the shell-like city of Cocoon, which floats high above the surface of Pulse. Then Orphan created life forms and machines for Cocoon's inhabitants to use, and humanity flourished. A war was fought between the Pulse and Cocoon, and Cocoon prevailed. However, fear lingered in the hearts of the people of Cocoon, for the day another invasion might come from the world beneath again.

Although most Cocoon citizens have never seen Pulse with their own eyes, they have been told that it is a dangerous place that has strange effects on those who venture down to its surface. Consequently, anyone who is discovered to have visited Pulse is immediately subjected to quarantine and exile by the theocratic government of Cocoon, known as the Sanctum.^[23] The Sanctum enforces this policy with its strongest military branch, PSICOM.

As Snow leads the resistance group, Team Nora, in an attempt to stop the purging of civilians, the mysterious Lightning fights her way past PSICOM soldiers with the aid of Sazh to find a Pulse fal'Cie, Anima, who turned her sister, Serah (who is also Snow's fiancée), into a l'Cie. Through a chain of events, these three, along with two exiles, Vanille and Hope, are forced by the fal'Cie of Pulse to become l'Cie, and with that became enemies of humanity with the Focus of bringing about the downfall of Orphan and Cocoon.

~CHARACTERS~

Some Current Random Thoughts...

That's right, this post is all about things which I thought of now. Hmmm...life's getting boring now, as the next test is about another week from now. I have to admit I'm very very afraid that I would fail my Maths. LOL. To be honest, I didn't even know what I was writing on those green, ominous papers. I swear I don't want to write answers on those kind of papers again. For one, I feel like I'm being left out when compared with my other friends. Some of them could even go to Singapore by themselves! God, when will it be my turn? I have my wings to spread too! Geez, not wanting to be a geek, but I wish Hiro Nakamura could lend some of his powers to me. Haha. Just to take a look at how will my future look like. I'm kinda sure, with the situation now, it's not going to be too good. Maybe I'll just end up as a teacher, who every day goes to school, and receives my pay when it's the end of the months. Well, if I'm even lucky enough, I'll be able to marry a normal girl and have a just nice family like my father did. Honestly, I think it's not such a bad idea. And I hope that normal girl is you and only you.

But, I don't want to be a teacher. It's like I am just to going just to get enough money to make ends meet. There's no satisfaction in that. Then again, in this dogs eat dogs world, money comes first before anything else. Who cares about satisfaction? You have money, you are the king! Well, I'll think about that later. Man, I'm still young, it's time for peace and love, no? Yeah, LOVE!

Around one week from now too, I'm off to a vacation! Yay! I've finally got to feel going on a trip with my friends. Yeah, these friends are really friends. All I hope is the weather will improve, at least to a level where our bus can travel. And we are coming back with an aeroplane! Yeah, I admit I've never been in a plane before, that's why I'm excited. How will the clouds look like eh? It's going to be a scene to remember. And I have so many things in mind to buy, I'm quite worried if my money won't be enough. And 14th December is coming soon too. Luckily, I've already prepared things and I hope you will like it!

That's all for now. Arigatos.

COLOURS Again!

YOSH! It's been such a long time since I last updated this blog. Well, it doesn't seem like anyone's reading it anyway. But for those who do read Colours, then my deepest gratitude to you. Cheers. It's just that I'm seating for my STPM right now, so I feel kind of guilty if I don't study. It's not like I really want to. I really hate to fail this STPM, because it's like the "final ticket" for me to get into a university. At least, I hope I can. Well, many people hope I can, and I appreciate all of them. I didn't get to feel like this back then during SPM, so that's why it's so different now. And my deepest apology if I couldn't reply all those sweet wishings. And my deepest gratitude to the very wishings I receive every morning from you. Those few words never fail to burn my spirit. ARIGTOS!

Am I stressed? If it's about my exam now, then I seriously think I am not. Not at all. I don't know why but I never really get stressed when taking exams. That kind of feeling only surfaces when I receive the results. I'm afraid that I'll disappoint you, disapoint Pa and Ma, disapoint Ma'am O, disappoint those who think highly of me. To tell the truth, I'm just a normal human being, and I'm sorry if I never achieve what all you expect.

I think more about my future. What's the use of being a multi-millionaire, but in the end dying all alone in a huge bangalow? What's the use of having a guaranteed job, but no one to share the bliss with? And this is why whenever people say I'm good, deep inside me, I want to give them this wisdom in exchange for their good social influence or their good looks. Yes, good look is important to me. Well, I used to it is not. You see, there was this friend who was so so so so pious and always said that inner beauty is more important than outer beauty. Then one day, this friend took pictures with all classmate except that very one. Why? You know why. In the outside, that left aside person lacked something, that being his look. Hell, that really broke my trust. Well, that's that. I can't be who I am not, but I always try to be a better person. And if that offends anyone with any aspects possible, please tell me.

There never friends who willing to ask me to tag along in a trip. And now, those who did ask me, thank you very much. I appreciate all of you. I really do. All of you means a lot to me. All of you never treat me like how I was treated. THANK YOU! THANK YOU in every possible ways!

For You

How I wish,
Your face to cherish,
With you, days to furnish.
If what you desire, a star of distant,
Shall I get it in an instant,
And let it be a symbol constant.
There is only distance,
But with patience,
Hopes still happily dance.
There are things, words fail to describe,
Hard it proves to be,
One day, it, shall I overcome.
All this, just for you,
Aye, for you.

thus far...

I spent an enjoyable day at Kota Bharu, thanks to Zie Yang for the ride. It's nice to go out and meet people and watch pretty girls(wooops...) and eat my favorite double cheese burger and buy new movies. And I did those today. The burger tasted just as good as it always does. Well, if I were to eat it together with more friends, it would have been tastier. As I strolled in a video shop, I came across two titles that I've been looking for since last June; Star Wars: Clone Wars and Resident Evil: Degeneration. Both looked GOOD! The prices looked even BETTER! In the end, I picked the latter as I am always an avid fan of Resident Evil. Around 6 p.m., we decided to go home as the weather looked less promising.

Just as soon as I wanted to lie down, Sim Lim called. Oh ya, tonight was the last day of his holidays! The same went to some other friends of mine. And so we went to KFC for dinner. Time like this used to be very common, we went out like this almost everyday. But now, as everyone has separate ways, every single reunion seems to be quite precious. I recalled the day they did Lily's birthday the day before Christmas. We weren't used to this celebrate-birthday-tradition when we were in Dato' Mahmud. Perhaps now that the situation has changed, we appreciate those around us even more. And all these little memories, we shall keep them in our minds, and share them again whenever time permits. Heh, isn't that wonderful? Last time when I was in second grade, I scored badly. My homeroom teacher then told me this;-

" Grades are just temporary. Even if you pass with flying colours this time, there is no guarantee you'll get the same thing next time. After a while, you'll forget them. The memories to get those grades, however, last forever. "

Aye, she has the point.

Around 10 p.m., I played a few rounds while I did the waiting. Two hours later, I began to realise that the waiting was futile, so I quit. Sigh, there are times where I wonder if I'm just dreaming all this while, and when I wake up, everything is gone. Just then, I found something else to do, but my modem seemed to be malfunctioning. How sweet. After watching Degeneration, I decided to call it a day.

Sigh, it's already 29th. The waiting resumes, a fortnight, or more. Let's just hope that great things will come together with this New Year.

那个东西

“什么东西和尚有但是没有用，太监入宫前有，入宫后没有，华人的比较短，日本人比较长，英国人更长，马来人最长？”

“哦，阿明，难到是“那个东西”？”

“哦，想到哪去了？是名字啦！”

如果有一天

“ 阿明，如果有一天，我和你妈妈跌进海里，你会救谁？”

“废话，当然救你啦！”

“哦，你！不孝子！”

“唉呀，不是不孝啦！我妈妈会游泳的嘛！”

A Tea Under The Moonlight

Long has it been,
For us to have,
A tea under the moonlight.
Busy, everyone was, is, will be,
What's with work, responsibilities, relationships,
Yet, in times like now,
When the end draws near,
Time they spent, altogether,
To talk about lives,
To cherish the wonderful past,
To share successes,
To predict mysterious future,
To admire, those of the bold and the beautiful,
To discuss coming plans,
And, to wonder what changes everyone has.
Fate, by a twist of it,
Tells me, good times do not last long.
Father time, envied us,
Leaving me, wondering when will the next moonlight be?

打电话

一日，小明突然想起小丽，想听听他声音。他打算打个电话给他。不到一分钟，打通了。

他说：“ 喂，小丽啊？请问小丽有在吗？”

阿妈的kuali

一日, 阿妈炒好了饭后想把kuali洗了。可他不会用sabun, 所以才打算用老时代的方法。

他心想：“是用醋和盐还是醋和米呢？”

他跑去问阿明。

阿明说：“ 阿妈啊！当然是盐啦！”

“ 为什么？”

“阿妈啊！加盐加醋嘛！”

I'm Doing......wut?

Holidays. Yeah, it's holidays now. Everybody's happy with it, but I'm not included in that everybody. First, what I have been getting up until now is no other than the most annoying---boredom. Duh, I really don't know what to do! Everyday I will wake up between 1 to 2 p.m., then eat my breakfast-ish lunch, take my bath, switch on my computer and just sit there until the clock hits 6. This is already a routine. Awright, enough with the bad's. Oh ya, thanks to my last exam results, Mom finally found a "job" for me; revise, revise and revise! At least I have something to do now, but fixing my interest in Chemistry is way too easier said than done. Duh~ And thanks to Shonen Jump, now I have a new manga to catch up with. It's called "Bakuman". "baku" means "gamble" and "man" is taken from "manga", making it "a manga gamble" in whole. It follows two high schoolers whose dreams are to become famous manga-ka's, which later turns out not to be as easy as they think. I like it because it tells me of lives of manga-ka's and the hardships they face. Getting a manga drawn doesn't necessarily mean it will get published. And without publication, where manga-ka's going to get their income? Well, that's what happens at Japan, a whole different situation at Malaysia. There are some magazines like GEMPAK, UTOPIA or XUE HAI newspapers that welcome local manga-ka's to submit their work. I want to become a manga-ka someday and I hope my work will get published in those media. Thus, I'm going to practice drawing during these holidays. Being a self-taught manga-ka is quite difficult but there are already some who succeeded. Akira Toriyama, once an office boy, is a self-taught artist, gaining fame with his Dragon Ball. I hope I can be like him someday. Well, someday. Haha, and thanks to my buddy, I could spend some time driving at Kota Bharu. That was one meaningful day, for me, that is. I guess that's it for now, may good things happen soon! Arios~

Dialogue-less

WINTER ~ the Message on the Ground

She was absent three times in a role this week. Was she avoiding me? After what I had told her, of me being the cause of her sister’s death, I doubted that she would not. My guilt felt even heavier, only to be amplified by the piercing cold around me. Not even four layers of clothes could provide me with any warmth. I hated it like this. . . . . .

PANG!

“Cheer up, mate!”

An impact laded behind me, followed by those words. From how they sounded, I could already figure out who it was. He was standing there, his smile, his way of “greeting” were as old-fashioned as always.

“Oh, Natsu, what’s up?” I said. The response was brief, as if I did not even bother to speak to him.

“You look down. Be lively a little bit, will you?”

“No, can’t do.”

“And, if she doesn’t come, why don’t you go find her? Be a man, mate!” Natsu suggested, now clapping my shoulder.

Oh, why had I not thought of this before? Oh, Natsu! A friend in need is a friend indeed! It was just the moment that I wanted to ask for Ayaa’s whereabouts that Natsu immediately answered me.

“I think she visits the sunflower garden more often nowadays, you know, after last autumn. Although those flowers seem to wither in times like now. Try your luck after the school!”

I just nodded. Sunflower garden, eh? I guessed it must be the one she showed me last spring. A torrent stirred in my stomach as I hoped to meet her there.

The final bell rang and I quickly started looking the paths leading to the garden. It was quite difficult to do so, as most the roads were covered with thick, white snow. The immense cold as well as the difficulty to search for the roads worsened my thoughts, somehow.

As I picked my way through the snow-covered roads, I finally found the way I was looking for. There on the ground, footsteps were already visible, hinting that my luck would be fair. But as I observed further, those footsteps seemed too impossible to just belong to one person. I made haste, imagination running wild.

“EAT THIS!”

A sight caught me frozen; five figures were all punching, kicking that one timid figure, a figure which looked really familiar. Strange thing was, that figure didn’t seem to be fighting back. As I took another step forward, I thought I stepped on something, and it broke. It was a pair of glasses, the same one I broke last spring. The one I broke last spring? AYAA!

Within five seconds, I reached the glasses, put them in my bag, hid it safely and dashed towards the scene.

Only with a heavy punch on a face that I halted my rush. Then I turned, realizing that the other four figures were charging towards me. I ducked and delivered a head butt on the stomach of one of them, and, in split second, turned again to kick the one beside him, right on his left cheek. I was never a good fighter, given my weak body structure. But fury and rage seemed to catalyze my skills. A huge landed behind my neck and it was required to beat me. I lied on the ground, finally defeated.

Crimson blood was flowing across the snowed ground, but it was not mine. Shocks stroke me again. The blood came from another person lying not far from me. She was not moving at all, as if she were dead. I struggled to get up for second round but was beaten down again. Tears began to flow, thinking of how much I wanted to protect her, yet I could not.

“Curse you, sons of bi…” thundered a voice, though it came from quite a distance. Everything started to become blur, yet I struggled to reach her, yet again my body failed me. I saw nothing but darkness now, but still had not lost my hearing.

The noises of people being beaten up became clearer and only a few minutes later I heard footsteps approach me.

“Hang in there, mate. Oh, Ayaa, she’s bleeding badly. I’ll call ambulance now. Promise me, HANG IN THERE!”

This was all I could hear and then, every parts of my body failed me, slowly falling into a slumber.

“I didn’t know you sleep like a pig, mate.”

My ears seemed to be functioning again. Bit by bit, I began regaining consciousness and, as I opened my eyes, I saw Natsu.

“You were beaten up into a pulp, mate! Luckily I made it on time, lest you two would have been dead. Those scums were trying to destroy the graves at that garden. All three of them, I say! No wonder Ayaa fought back. Ouch, Ayaa, she’s not in good shape. And then…” Natsu kept on mumbling.

I was not, at all, paying attention on him until he mentioned Ayaa. I got up, only to be pierced by pain all over my body. I tried to resist but failed again.

“Ayaa, where’s her?”

“Here.”

And yes, there she was near the entrance to my ward. Her wounds seemed more serious than mine, as there were bandages all over her face and body. Strange thing was, she could still stand up and walk to my ward. Realizing her arrival, Natsu departed, to buy some food he said.

“So, u broke my glasses again.” Her eyes narrowed as she talked just like she always did. I was relieved that nothing had changed yet.

“It couldn’t be helped then…”

“Now you owe me quite a fortune you know,” now I could sense killing aura surrounding her. Oh, her menacing presence, just like always.

“Hey, Ayaa, about Ayaka…”

“She’s gone.” Ayaa replied even before I could finish my question. “And you didn’t lead her to her death. Stop having that stupid thought.”

Awed, my eyes opened wide, mouth fell agape, still unable to comprehend what I had just heard. She had forgiven me.

“But you’ll to repay me when we’re out from here.”

“Oh, I know how to do that, you know.” I suggested, making an expression that seemed to be toying with her.

“With what?”

“A date. At the sunflower garden. After we get out from here.’

She did not really respond, only being silent. She did not nod or shake her head, either. It was then that she immediately rushed out from my ward, leaving me still confused of what was happening. And that was the one and only time that I had met her for two weeks.

The said day finally came and I departed for the garden early as possible. Thinking of the consequences of being late frightened me. As I arrived, she was not there yet, but I discovered something on the snowed ground. There writings on it. They were written as;-

Kitty,

It’s pleasant to know you but I’m sorry I can’t attend this date. I’m now adopted. I have to leave with them for Canada. About my broken glasses, try to keep them in good shape. I’ll come back and claim them whenever chance permits me. Help me take care of my parents’ and Ayaka’s graves. My deepest gratitude to what you have done until I became what I am today. I don’t feel empty anymore. Oh, Kitty, and

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-09-12-09-11-05-25-15-21 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Truthfully,

Ayaa.

I sighed at the message on the ground. The snow seemed to be soaked with waters flowing from my eyes.

“Yeah, I know. Same to you, Ayaa,”

FALL ~ A Hope and A Truth

The current of the waves was amplifying with every passing second, as I was helplessly pulled and pushed in the middle of the sea. Every now and then, my swimming skills would fail me and I would sink. Water rushed into my body through my ears, nose and mouth, almost filling up my lungs. Yet I struggled for this little life of mine. Just as I lost hope, a strong force held my arm and I stopped flowing. Such force was powerful enough that it was at par with the current of the raging tides. I tried to search for the source of the force and found it; it was a female lifeguard. She was grabbing my arm very tightly.

I tried to identify the face of my savior. As soon as I did, I was surprised. The lifeguard shared a striking resemblance with a person I had already known. The only difference was that she looked a bit older.

“Ayaa?”

Reality forced open my eyes. My heart was pumping hard, blood running fast. At the same time, I was as if bathing in sweat, breathing more frequently than I was supposed to be. Only then that I realised ------ I was staring at a different ceiling.

The ceiling was pearl white, a contrast with my room. I felt a slight pain at my right hand and there was a needle pierced on my wrist with the end of it being connected to one end of a long, clear tube. The other end of the tube was again connected to a liquid-filled plastic bag hanging on a rod just beside my bed. Aye, now I remembered. I was suspended into ward a few days ago. Possible case of dengue fever, or so they said.

Pushing the white blanket aside, I glanced at the window nearby. The morning sun had just risen from the horizon and shinning majestically. The leaves on many trees had lost their greenness, altogether turning into a complex mixture of scarlet, crimson, yellow and orange.

“Who now who has no house, will not build one.

Who now is alone, will remain so for long,

Will wake, and read, and write long letters,

And back and forth on the boulevards,

Will restlessly wander, while the leaves blow.

Herbstagg, Rainer Maria Rilke.”

I delighted in the melancholic melody of the poem that, for a moment, I forgot the person who was reciting it. The person was standing right beside the door. She was wearing spectacles, and behind them, small, watery eyes were visible. Her strawberry red lips had just stopped moving. Somehow, I was relieved that she came.

“It’s a shame to celebrate your birthday at a hospital.” said Ayaa, approaching my bed.

“It’s not, with you here.”

Her eyes narrowed again and the same feeling stirred in my stomach. The same, cold, menacing yet, mysterious feeling that I had since last spring.

“What are you sick of, by the way?”

“Oh, it’s a very serious sickness. A deadly one. Aye, fatal I mean.”

“Heart disease?”

“Nay. It’s way more serious than that.”

“Cancer? Kidney malfunctions?”

I shook my head rapidly. Ayaa’s expression now looked questioned, wondering what my answer would be. It was actually quite fun to make her look like this and so I chuckled a bit.

“I am, Ma’am Ayaa,” I said, now staring right at her eyes. “Love sick.”

At first, she was about to blush, but then she was trying very hard to hide that feeling. Moments later, her chilly expression returned.

“Never heard of it before. I have prepared two gifts for you. First, give me your hand.” demanded Ayaa.

I did as I was told. As I raised my hand and showed her my palm, she placed something that felt small, round but solid on it. I examined it. It was a mini-badge with Masked Rider Black figure carved on it.

“Now the next gift.” Ayaa announced as she checked her watch then rushed out from the room. I was left there, mouth fell agape. This was her gift?

My mind was left playing with confusion when I heard the door was opened again. Two figures entered, again familiar faces, although I had not seen them for a long time, not even after I was submitted to hospital.

“Hello, Kite.” they greeted.

Had I not rubbed my eyes thrice, I would not have believed it myself. Yes, my eyes did not mistake me. They were standing right in front of me. They were smiling warmly in front of me. They were spending time with me, no longer with their business.

“F-Fa-Father? M-Mo-Mother?”

Immediately, I went down from the bed and hugged both of them tightly. Ah, I could finally feel the warmth I had longed for. Such warmth felt so comfortable, it felt like I was ------alive. No longer able to bear it, tears had finally stream across my cheeks.

“Thanks, Pa. Thanks, Ma.”

“It’s okay, Kite. I should have done this ages ago.” Pa answered, his hand slowly rubbing behind me. “You should thank that young lady, you know. She was the one who told us about your sufferings. I’m really sorry for not paying attention on you all this while, Kite.”

Oh, Ayaa! This was her gift. I searched for any possible signs of her. And there, through a window on the door, I saw her face. It was a mixed expression. There was a part of it which looked envious, while another looked happy, relaxed, calm, somehow. The thought of her being an orphan suddenly came across me, then my deep empathy for her surfaced. She must have missed the warmth I was feeling right now.

After my parents decided to drop by Grandma’s house, I managed to catch up with Ayaa, who was now walking steadily at the garden. The chilly wind was quite strong, bringing along leaves from trees as it blew. When I approached her, I noticed that she quickly rub her eyes dry. Was she crying? Aye, upon facing her, I saw her eyes. They were red. It had always been my habit to keep lollipops in pockets, even when I was sick. I reached for one of them and handed it to her. However, she saw through this and before long, I felt an impact hit my left cheek. She punched me!

“Wh-What was……”

“For treating me your lollipop. And this……” said Ayaa just before I could finish asking. Surprisingly, she was now changing her stance, she was about to strike again! I did not know why but my legs were not obeying me, as if they had rooted to the ground. I closed my eyes.

The strange thing was I no longer felt any hard impact on either side of my cheek. My eyes opened up wide and they remained in such state for a few minutes. What I saw later, I would never forget it for the rest of my life. What I saw……

Ayaa’s lips approached my forehead, finally landed a soft contact on the surface. Then she looked into my eyes. Coldness was absent, they were redder than before and they could melt even the hardest diamond.

“And that, for stealing……” muttered Ayaa, hesitated, searching for the right words, her cheeks blushing. “……my heart.”

“Ehhhhhhhh……?”

For the next few minutes, there was a dead silence. We were gazing at each other. Imaginations were running wild in my mind and my heart was pumping at a much higher frequency, as if it were going to blow any moment from now.

“Hey, Ayaa, actually I……”

BANGGG…SPLASHHH…

A water-filled balloon made its impact on Ayaa’s head, water streaming down from every possible edge from her head. I was going to laugh when a piece of bitter memory shot through my head. With Ayaa’s current condition, she looked just like the person I had dreamt earlier. My head ached, events which took place years ago began to form in my mind. A shocking truth froze me.

“Kite, what were you going to tell me?”

“Ay… Ayaa, your sister, Ayaka, we… went missing… because… because… BECAUSE…”

I hated it very much to tell her but my guilt was too heavy to keep silent. My whole body shook.

“BECAUSE OF ME!”